Monday, April 16, 2007
a different perspective
Sometimes, lost in the nitty-gritties of every day housewife—ing and child rearing, I lose my head.
All I can see is what is right under my nose. Day stutters? Quell it! Day won’t listen? Make him! Day is defiant? Beat it down! Day wants attention? Ignore him! Day is yelling? Shut him up!
All I know is, he’s been a bit of a problem; not just in giving us problems, but in the sense that I would hesitate to call him Happy or Well-adjusted.
So it was illuminating when a social worker friend of mine, who has been reading the blog, sent me some of her thoughts.
“Just wondering if it the transitions in the last year have been a bit stressful for Day?
Transitions such as moving to Australia, leaving behind familiar people and environment, being a Kor Kor, having to share Daddy and Mummy's attention with Mei Mei etc. Cos when he was in Singapore, he was the centre of attraction of more people right? And now he has to share just Papa and Mummy with Mei Mei?
Am thinking that his not being able to verbalize his thoughts, fears etc, has made it even more difficult for him to get the assurance for his Papa and yourself. Does Day draw? Or colour? Or in his play, do you detect any morbidity, negativity, sadness?
Or his lack of preparedness may been a contributing factor to some of the difficulties that he seems to be posing.
Note in one of your entries that he has said he doesn't want to go back to Singapore - I wonder what does that mean for him?
For some of the kids that I have worked with, going back to a familiar place / an environment where they felt happy and secure also meant that it could be taken away again, and hence their unwillingness to go back.
Again, these are just some of my hunches based on my limited work with children and families and also the little that I read from your blog. And I acknowledge that my hunches could be totally wrong too.”
A timely reminder, given that we are about to pluck him out of all he knows, once again.
At the moment, the inward-ness I wrote about earlier, is increasingly apparent. He is barely interested in the world around him and as I lamented to KK, he seems to have shut out the world before he’s even seen it.
He is not the least bit curious about anything. Not people, not places and he certainly doesn’t like to talk.
All he wants to do is to colour.
No morbidity I can detect there, however. He’s currently in Rainbow mode.
Even the non-rainbows get the colour treatment.
And the faces he draws, are all happy.